ALWAYS OPEN WITH A JOKE
A drunk gets up from the bar and staggers to the men’s room. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another horrific shriek. The bartender runs to the men’s room door.
"Cut that shit out!” he shouts. "You're scarin’ my customers!"
From inside the bathroom: "I'm just sittin’ here on the crapper! Every time I try to flush, somethin’ comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls!"
The bartender opens the door.
"You moron! You're shittin’ in the mop bucket!”